


Anything for you, angel

by WriterOfTheHeartland



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Not Beta Read, Phobias, Post-Canon, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Supportive Crowley (Good Omens), This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29950617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterOfTheHeartland/pseuds/WriterOfTheHeartland
Summary: "He didn't know why it happened exactly; maybe it was just the realisation that no matter what he did, this fear would always catch up to him one way or another to make everything in his life harder and miserable."Or: Aziraphale has phonophobia and experiences the full force of itPhonophobia (ˌfō-nə-ˈfō-bē-ə): fear of sounds and especially loud, sudden soundsTW: Phobias and anxiety attacks→ Please read the tags and Notes
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Anything for you, angel

**Author's Note:**

> ☆☆ PLEASE READ☆☆
> 
> Some of the events in this fic are based on the author's real life experiences, so please be kind and respectful if you decide to leave a comment <3
> 
> I have no excuse for this mess, other than that it's currently 2 am and I felt the need to project my problems onto my favorite comfort character: Aziraphale 💕

Aziraphale had always thought he was just jumpy. It wasn't too far-fetched, considering how he used to constantly be anxious about being found out by Heaven. Even now, he still felt anxious sometimes, and he figured it was going to take some time to get rid of that.

This, however, was different from his usual anxiety. It was something more specific, something he had only truly started to notice over the last century or so, when the world had started to become full of sound.

Parties with huge speakers filled the parks of London on hot summer days, movies started using explosions and loud sound effects that became even louder when viewed in a cinema, but also less obvious things like church bells and popping balloons would cause his body to start trembling, heart racing in his chest and his breaths becoming quicker. Sometimes he'd even feel tears starting to form in his eyes and find himself involuntarily walking away from the sound.

He'd always managed to calm himself down afterwards, but all of this seemed to cause him more distress than he thought was normal.

Crowley sure didn't seemed bothered by it. None of the Angels in Heaven had ever seemed hesitant to use guns during wars or get startled when someone suddenly spoke next to them. And he'd never seen Walock or any of the humans he'd met during the Apocalypse show any signs that they experienced anything similar to what he did.

That confirmed that it wasn't a human problem, or at least not something that all humans experienced. Still, he was quite certain that phobias, as he assumed this was one of those, were something humans dealt with a lot. Angels, however, should not.

Aziraphale couldn't help it, though. He knew it was stupid, because what could a sound do? Startle him? But he couldn't stop his body from having these pathetic reactions.

Almost desperate for some kind of explanation, he'd searched his bookshop for a book on human phobias. Crowley probably would've told him to "just Google it", but Aziraphale didn't understand modern technology all that well. And since Crowley couldn't know about this, he couldn't ask the Demon for help either. 

Eventually he found what he was looking for; a book which listed every phobia ever recorded by humans. It took him a while, but when he finally found something he almost started crying in relief at the accuracy of one particular description. It was stupid, he knew, but just being able to finally put a name to his struggles, finally find some kind of validation and proof that he wasn't going crazy felt overwhelmingly good in a way.

He read the page again:

_Phonophobia (ˌfō-nə-ˈfō-bē-ə): fear of sounds and especially loud, sudden sounds_

_"People with Phonophobia may be fearful of devices that can suddenly emit loud sounds, such as alarms."_

_"...watching someone blow up a balloon beyond its normal capacity. This is often an unsettling, even disturbing thing for a person with Phonophobia to observe..."_

_"Sudden loud and unexpected sound can cause anxiety attacks in a person who suffers from Phonophobia. "_

_"Intense fear, desire to flee, severe mood swing after hearing a loud sound..."_

Aziraphale had found what he was looking for, and although it did nothing to help against his anxiety, he felt a little better.

***

The book had mentioned that different people would be scared of different sounds. Over the years, Aziraphale had found out which sounds he considered his 'triggers'.

Alarms and cars honking would often cause him an irrational amount of fear, but the worst one was dogs; or rather, dogs barking. Aziraphale didn't know why this was the case, but it was and frankly, he hated it. It may not seem like a big deal, but in a world where dogs were _everywhere_ , his fear could become a bit overwhelming and very, very frustrating.

Some days he would think he was alright; a car would honk, a door would slam shut or a particularly heavy book would fall on the floor with a loud thump, and none of it would trigger so much as a blink. 

Other days, even the closing of a cupboard could cause him to jump and he would constantly be on edge.

Today was one of those days. 

Aziraphale had been cleaning the bookshop peacefully, when he'd accidentally knocked over a wineglass. The glass shattered on the ground and Aziraphale's blood ran cold in an instant. He felt lightheaded as he tried to keep his racing heart under control, kneeling down to pick up the shards with trembling hands.

The Angel cursed softly, miracling the broken glass away and focussed on calming down. Once the fear subsided Aziraphale only grew frustrated, knowing that he was going to be jumpy and anxious for a while now.

It didn't help when the phone suddenly rang a few minutes later, causing him to jump violently and pick it up with much more force than necessary.

"Yes?" he said sharply.

"Hi, angel," Crowley's voice sounded from the other side and Aziraphale felt himself relax slightly.

"Crowley," he smiled. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"This isn't a pleasure, angel," Crowley joked. "I am calling you unannounced and effectively wasting your time, very evil business."

"Well, then," Aziraphale felt his smile grow wider. "To what do I owe this _inconvenience_?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Tadfield tomorrow, visit Adam and Anathema and Newt like we promised?" Crowley asked. "I can come pick you up, if you're up to it."

"Oh, yes, it would be quite lovely to see our human friends again, wouldn't it?" Aziraphale agreed.

"Yes, indeed," Crowley said softly. Aziraphale smiled fondly at the thought of going to see their new friends, but when Crowley spoke again he felt his breath catch in his throat.

"I'm curious to see what has become of that Hellhound as well. It looked tiny last time I saw it, wonder how that happened..."

Crowley might've said something more, but Aziraphale didn't hear him. He didn't know why it happened exactly; maybe it was just the realisation that no matter what he did, this fear would always catch up to him one way or another to make everything in his life harder and miserable, but his mind seemed to fog over and his lower lip started to tremble.

"Angel?"

Oh no, Crowley called him. Had he not responded? Wait, what was the question? 

Aziraphale felt his eyes fill with tears as the world seemed to dim around him. His mind seemed to be clouded over with fear, making it impossible to think about anything else. The only thing that managed to break through the fog was: _don't make Crowley worry._

He heard the demon talking to him, but he couldn't completely understand the words. 

"Angel? Aziraphale, are you feeling alright? What's wrong?"

Aziraphale forced himself to sound casual, but his voice shook from the steady stream of tears that were now running down his face. "Y-yeah, I'm fine..."

 _"I need a moment"_ he wanted to say, but he knew that it would only worry Crowley, so he didn't. _"I need to be alone for a moment so I can calm down, please let me calm down"_

None of those words came out, as he tried to keep his breathing and heartbeat under control and failed miserably.

"Angel, you're not fine!" Crowley exclaimed, sounding panicked from the other side of the phone. "Tell me what's wrong so I can help."

 _"You can't help, I just need a moment,"_ Aziraphale wanted to say again, but, of course, that's not what came out. "I-I..."

"Step away, Angel," he heard, and a moment later Crowley materialized through the phone, appearing in front of him. "Aziraphale, hey, I'm here. What's going on?"

Aziraphale could barely concentrate on Crowley's words. The fog wouldn't go away and the only thing he could see was his friend, saying something with his hands hovering over Aziraphale, seemingly contemplating if he should touch him or not.

"D-Dont," the Angel stammered, shocked that he didn't want to be touched. "I-I'm scared, Crowley."

And he was. He was so damn scared of so many stupid things, and now he was scared of himself, because he didn't know what was happening and he just wanted to be _alone_ so that this could just _stop-_

Crowley didn't touch him, instead lowered his voice to a calm, gentle tone. "Alright, angel, I'm gonna need you to breathe with me, alright? Can you do that for me?"

Aziraphale nodded shakily and tried to concentrate through his clouded brain as Crowley began instructing him on breathing.

"Alright, do it with me, angel," he said, "In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Ready?"

Aziraphale tried to match the Demon's breathing and had to keep himself from panicking harder when it didn't work on the first few tries.

It took a while, but eventually he had calmed down enough to be able to talk, the fog retreating to let the world come into focuss again.

Crowley looked at him through concerned eyes, which Aziraphale only now realised weren't covered by his sunglasses. "Feeling a bit better?"

The Angel nodded, cheeks heating up in shame. "I'm sorry," he managed to croak out.

Crowley looked at him in disbelief. "Don't apologize!" he said strongly. "It's not your fault that happened."

Aziraphale doubted that, and it must've shown on his face, because Crowley reached out a tentative hand, putting it on his shoulder when the Angel didn't move away.

"You couldn't help it, angel," he said. He stared at him until Aziraphale nodded. He hesitated for a moment, before tentatively asking, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Honestly, Aziraphale didn't, but after what they went through just now he felt like it would be the right thing to do.

So he nodded, taking a deep breath as Crowley waited patiently for him to speak.

"I have this... thing," the Angel began, before rephrasing. "I have this fear of- of loud or sudden sounds. I-I don't know where it came from, but I've had it for a while now."

Crowley nodded, a silent encouragement for him to go on whenever he was ready. This was why Aziraphale loved talking to the Demon; he always listened without judgement.

"And there... there are certain sounds that really trigger it," Aziraphale continued shakily, "a-and one of them is b-barking, so I'm really... I'm really scared of dogs."

He saw realisation dawning in Crowley's eyes. "Angel..."

"It's not your fault this happened!" Aziraphale said quickly. "I just, I don't know _what_ happened to be honest. This has never happened before."

There was a moment of silence, before something occured to him.

"D-Dear?," he asked, fear audible in his voice. "Do you think it'll happen again?"

Crowley took Aziraphale's trembling hands in his own and squeezed reassuringly. "If it does, I'll be there to help you out of it," he said in a tone that left no room for argument. "And I will always be there for you if you need me."

He found himself smiling at the grateful look the Angel gave him. "Why didn't you tell me about this, angel?" he asked softly.

"I wanted to, truly, but I... I guess I was afraid you would start treating me differently and I don't want that," Aziraphale looked into the Demon's eyes with a certain determination.

"I don't want you, or anyone else to treat me any different because of this. I just need you to understand, nothing more."

"I won't, angel," Crowley assured him. "But you do need to know that, now that you've told me, I can help you if you _do_ need something more."

The Demon looked at him meaningfully and it took Aziraphale a moment to realise what he meant. "Oh, right, Tadfield. I do still want to go." he said after a moment.

"Alright," Crowley nodded. "I can manage something about the dog, if you want?" he said, and knowing what his angel was going to say, he added, "And no, it won't be any trouble, I promise."

Aziraphale wanted to protest, but thought better of it and nodded. The only alternative, he knew, was being uncomfortable and anxious for the entirety of their visit, in the best case. In the worst, something like what happened today might occur again, in front of other people no less.

"If you would do that for me," he said quietly.

Crowley smiled softly.

"Anything for you, angel."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudo's are greatly appreciated!  
> (Again, please be respectful 💖)


End file.
